Tracy McMillan wrote an interesting piece in The Huffington Post about single women and why they aren’t married (yet). From my own point of view, none of us should judge single women for their condition, whether they’re still single by choice or (please-please-pretty please- forgive me, for saying this) by fate. She believed there are 6 reasons why a woman is still single, and I found no. 2 (you’re shallow), pretty interesting, to disagree with..
“When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.”
We all know that Brad Pitt (who seemed to have such a strong character when he dated Jennifer Aniston) ‘eventually‘ cheat, with Angelina Jolie. I don’t think character can guarantee anything, or that it had anything to do with staying committed. People change, both men or women. All we can do is try to maintain our relationship with keeping a healthy communication, honoring trust, and self-reminding ourselves about the importance of staying committed. Applying this healthy-style does not guarantee anyone will be faithful, but at least it can make our daily marriage-life better, not a living hell. And sometimes, experiencing the hurt of being cheated is an effective way to prevent someone from cheating. It sounds rude and confusing isn’t it, I know, but that’s just the way it is. We live in a sick world.
I also personally believe that couples who have equal financial portion in the household are less likely to cheat or be-cheated. For me, financial matters may (although not must) determine the domination pattern in a family. Those who contribute more money, will earn the power to dominate more, and have the right to treat their partner like sh*t, the right to cheat, because they’re the main breadwinner. Not all couples are like this, of course, but this domination pattern ia pretty common and is happening around me.
My advice to all of you single ladies, don’t search for someone who is a lot richer, look for someone equal to you. And don’t search for someone who makes less money than you, because you will be easily tempted by other more-financially-stable men. This way, you can minimize the risk of being cheated, and resist the temptation to cheat yourself. I know my tips sounds hilarious, insensitive and with no support from any research we can all forget about it, but think about it again and try to take a look around you. Try connecting what I said to what is exactly happening around you, hopefully you’ll see what I mean.
Now back to Tracy, she also said that most single girls (or men, too) suffered a delusional misunderstanding about an idealistic imagination of marriage. This is real life, you know. We’re not in some romantic movie.
I believe every woman -who wants to- can find a great partner. You’re just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won’t. Once the initial high wears off, you’ll just be you, except with twice as much laundry. ~ Tracy McMillan.
That is true, Tracy. Marriage is NOT going to make you happier. It just changes your status from ‘someone’ to someone’s husband/wife, someone’s daughter-in-law, sister/brother, and so on. You’re still the same person who will have to wake up in the morning, go to work, and eat, and breath, and took a bath. Except now that you’re married, you’ll see your partner doing the same thing around you, and you need to make 2 cups of coffee instead of one. I consider myself lucky enough to have a not-so-demanding husband who allows me to be completely who-I-am even after we marry. Some people have to change their daily habits to match their partner’s. It’s okay if they willingly to change, but those who change by force, be brave!
Marriage is about sharing your most valuable possessions: yourself, and your income. It’s about giving, giving, and giving, without asking anything in return except maybe 80% of your partner’s income, which you can’t use to buy things you love, but to pay for household expenses. The good thing is, you no longer sleep alone at night and you got someone to hug you in case of a bad dream (but not everyone likes to wake up in the middle of the night for something unimportant). Bottom line is, women, single, in a relationship, or married, are still the same person. You’re not single because you’re uglier than your married friends, not because you’re less lucky, but because nobody share the exact-same life story with others.
But if you’re a single woman who desperately want to marry soon (perhaps you got your biological clock ticking?), doing a self-check won’t hurt, right? You can check yourself out with Tracy’s “6 Reasons Why You’re Still Single” article and perhaps there IS something wrong with you. But don’t worry too much about it, you still have time to change yourself, right?
* * *