You know why I enjoy Twitter (and blogging) more than Facebook? It’s because I can be myself, express my thoughts, and meet people I don’t know in real life (well, mostly), hence I can ignore whatever their judgments are, about me.
I have more than 500 friends on Facebook. Some of them are friends from school, from the university, others are my relatives (sisters, cousins, aunties, uncles, etc), the rest are online shops, clothing or baby stores. I don’t tell everyone that I have a Twitter account, because I don’t want them to see the “other side” of me. Sadly, I can’t explain what that other side means because I don’t know what it is and why I keep it as a secret.
As a response to my friend @nrg07 who wrote a blog about Twitter yesterday, I told her that I look way cooler on Twitter, compared to the real me in reality, but somehow I have to hide this truth from everyone. She laughed and wanted to meet me instead.
I don’t know why but lately I’ve been doing my best to avoid social contacts. Especially with people I never met before, a.k.a my friends from the internet. I have this terrifying imagination about awkward moments that will happen in a coffee shop somewhere, where me and the person I meet, will be uncomfortably looking at our phone, wishing it will ring and took us the hell out of that situation.
It’s weird, I know, but I keep having that imagination in my mind whenever I get invitation to meet someone.
Could it be I have a problem with my self image? Not satisfied with how I look today, and thus avoid those heart-breaking, nerve-racking questions, such as, “How come you didn’t look fat on the internet?”
I do gain a few kilograms lately, and my eyes have visible dark circles around it. These are the realities which I NEVER expose on the internet. Until now.
So, I guess I have to face these fears and see whether my horrible imagination shall come true or not. Will I survive the annoying questions, or will I end up checking out Twitter through my BlackBerry to avoid eye contacts?
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