Tag Archives: suami

Gay Marriage, An Abused Ideal?

Google Images

Until now I still have mixed feelings about homosexuality. But lately, things got more complicated when the same-sex marriage is being approved in New York City. As a married woman, I find it difficult to understand the reason and purpose behind this breakthrough.

I always believe that a marriage starts at the very moment when a man said his vows to a woman’s father during the ijab kabul process. This system has put men and women in different positions with different responsibilities. Prior to being married, the responsibility to protect a woman in terms of mental, physical and financial, lies in the hands of her father. But when a woman is being married to a man, her father will transfer all the responsibility to her husband. This does not mean that a woman must rely their life to men all of her life, it is okay if she can be independent and self-financed but still, she can rely to her father or husband for protection.

But apparently, in the same-sex marriages we will not find neither the bride nor the groom. Instead, we will possibly see two grooms, or two brides. In this situation, who will act as the husband (and say the vows), and who will be the wife (whose father will transfer the responsibilities) if I may ask?

Well, it’s a common question for anyone with religious beliefs combined with the influence of the so-called patrilineal culture. But for me, the arrangement of a father transferring responsibilities to men does have magical benefits in creating and maintaining a safe, secure, and sane marriage. If all men understand what it means to marry a woman, they will behave according to their own vows. And we will have no question about their commitment. But in reality, well, every marriages will have their own problems, some can find a solution, some will have to end in divorce.

The approval of same-sex marriage undoubtedly gave a new challenge for two people with the same sex, who wish to legalized their “love-based” relationship into a higher level. But at the same time, it has also abused my ideal portrayal where a marriage is supposed to be a transfer of responsibility from fathers to husbands.

When it comes to my own understanding of a sacred marriage, I know I will never be able to relate it to same-sex marriages. But if you see a marriage as an individual right, perhaps I have to force myself to accept the fact that everyone deserves the chance to share a life together as married couples. No matter what their sexual orientation are.

I surely hope I can. Good luck and congratulations, anyway.

* * *

Leave a comment

Filed under ALL POSTS, RANDOM, WOMEN CORNER

Obedient Wives Club: Why I Don’t Want To Join

Nobody has invited me to join this club yet, but if I do get the invitation, I think I’ll have to pass. Not just because the awkwardly hilarious name, but because Dr Rohaya Mohamad, the founder this controversial club, seems to have a different definition of “a happy marriage.” From her statements, I see her as someone who neglect the equal position of a wife in a marriage. She thinks “happy marriages come from sexually-satisfied husbands” — but sorry to say, she is also married to a polygamist husband who has three other wives.

I agree that sexual intimacy is undoubtedly important in any marriage, but is it the only determining factor? Joining a club which transforms wives to whores is, well, seems a bit desperate and, hello.. we are living in a digital era where you can simply browse for this sort of thing, remember?

Dr Rohaya said, with easy access on prostitution nowadays, every husbands are in a critical stage to being tempted by prostitutes, and with the sex lessons offered by this club, it is guaranteed that husbands will no longer mess around with.. well, any women..

Right. Our beloved husbands will not cheat because they have their own personal, free, and ready-to-use prostitute at home by the name of “a wife.” Not because they have strong commitment to keep their promise which they have said in their marital vows. Instead we are enforcing the husbands to think: “Why bother paying a lot of money to prostitutes when we already have one at home?“– which straightly pops a question to my furious mind: “Is that how we want our husbands to see us? As a FREE prostitute?” What if someday, we suddenly got into a terrible accident and lost our sexual skills? Come to think of it, many normal women are already victims of polygamy, what will happen to wives with disabilities? No question, the holy bond of marriage will sunk to the bottom of the ocean.

A sexual connection is supposed to bring mutual satisfaction, hence it is also must be conducted without any domination from one person. My understanding of a healthy marriage within the Islamic law is perhaps scant, but I believe one of the main responsibility of a husband is to make sure that his wife feels safe, secure, and sufficient within a marriage. Therefore, she can contribute to the family and at the same time serve her husband’s needs –not just sexually– but also in terms of making decisions and providing ideas/solutions.

Sex is important, and yes, a wife must obey her husband. But to what extent? If Dr Rohaya thinks that a happy marriage is a result of a sexually-satisfied-dominating-husband with a depressed wife at home taking all the pain so that she can go to heaven some day, I rest my case. I’d rather go to heaven with my husband at my side holding my hands. Because a happy marriage is a result of two people having the same/equal responsibility to take care each other mentally, financially and sexually.

* * *

Leave a comment

Filed under ALL POSTS, WOMEN CORNER

Lesson From The Movies: Julie & Julia

Julie & Julia Movie Poster (2009)

I recently watched Julie & Julia. This movie was based on a true story about Julie Powell, and Julia Child. Julie Powell’s blog on which this movie was all about: “The Julie/Julia Project” is still accessible until today (although no updates was made since 2004). I felt related with Julie Powell in some way, and I think everyone who loves to blog will too.

Here’s why.

Julie Powell (Amy Adams), is a woman in her thirties who felt bored at work, but have a hidden a passion to write. One day (after a friend’s blog called her as “the writer whom books were never published“), she realized that she never accomplish anything in her own life. She never finished anything and never worked hard enough to achieve something.

She took the humiliation as a wake-up call, and decided to write again. With the support of her husband, she made a blog to record her cooking experiments based on Julia Child‘s cook book called “Mastering The Art of French Cooking.” She cooked everyday, and blogged her experience afterward. At first, nobody responded to her posts. But after a while (a couple of months, actually) she began to receive messages from readers who thought her blog was interesting.

After quite some time, her blog gained more popularity and Julie Powell was featured in the New York Times. She received offers from various publishers who were interested in cooperating and creating a book together. All of her hard work, passion for cooking and consistent blog-writing, finally start showing a sign of happy ending (and a couple of pounds as an additional weight gain). Her unique ability to write was quoted in this article, where she wrote “I’m miserable so they can be happy. I’m like the Jesus of extreme cooking. I got fat and very unhappy for their sins.”

Julie Powell has taught us (bloggers, in particular) to keep our passion, to be consistent, to finish whatever it was we have started, and to embrace our creativity each time we’re trying new experiments. For her, the boredom at work can be compensate with cooking at home and put it on blog. All she need was a laptop, an internet connection, and a whole lot of butter.

* * *

Leave a comment

Filed under ALL POSTS, MOVIES, REVIEWS, WOMEN CORNER