Tag Archives: family

The Waiting Game

On October 2011, I was in the middle of a big decision. Perhaps one of the biggest decision I ever made in my entire life, and it involved a great deal of waiting.

I’ve made other big decisions before,

Graduated from college and got my first job on August 2005, got married on January 2007, got accepted and joined another company on August 2007, received positive pregnancy on August 2008, and decide to deliver Bintang by C-Section.. and the latest, received my home-loan/mortgage approval on November 2011, and officially moved to our (so-called) OWN home.. on January 2012.

November 2011, prior to receiving my mortgage approval, my life was like hell. I couldn’t enjoy eating, sleeping, and all I can think about was “that” house and how much I want to stay there IMMEDIATELY.

I got excited to almost every telephone call, and got mad when it came from someone else and not the bank PIC, I got up earlier in the morning, and was anxious the whole entire day, …

and now I am in that same situation, all over again.

Two weeks ago, I got called for a job interview. I love the job description, and the challenges that I shall face, the amount of new learning experiences and opportunities that I will get.

Everything went smoothly, and last week, I received their offer by telephone with a salary which was a little bit lower than what I expected. My immediate reply was to ask for increase and a moment to think about their offer.

Several days later, I called them and requested to check their employment contract. I’ve seen it, felt OK with it, I even agreed to the salary they offered, but then the Branch Manager replied,

“Actually, our country manager is still very busy and I haven’t been able to reach him by phone and e-mail. He’s the one who is in charge to prepare your contract, and we both have to wait for his decision. I will deal with this matter next week, and give you a call once it’s all clear.

I felt like jumping into a very deep well, and said to myself “there’s still a possibility that I fail this, this is very hard to handle.”

And today is Monday, the beginning of a new week.

I can only pray that the country manager have decided to pick me, prepare my contract, and invite me to come and sign the contract. My prayer is so focused, and this has filled my head so much, since Friday.

Help me God.. To accept whatever it is You have planned for me!

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Present Comfort, and Sacrifice

I’m an easily-bored kind of person who always seeks for new opportunities in almost anything, and right now I am thinking to get a new job. I’ve been surfing through the internet to check out some new job offers and have submitted my applications as well.

So far, I have caught the eyes of 2 (two) big companies, which I already had an interview with but still haven’t been called for further tests or more discussions. One is a second biggest tobacco company in Indonesia, and the other one is a Switzerland-based power generation company.

I should be grateful ? (Google Images)

Like any other jobs, all of them have positive as well as negative sides. Compared to the condition in my current company, I surely will be more busy, will have to wake up earlier in the morning, and possibly arrive more late in the evening. In short, I probably gonna spend LESS time with my son..

😦

But on the other hand, I will have a better salary to pay everything in my monthly expenses, including his school fees and hence (in the long run), provide a better future with better opportunities for him.

🙂

So in the end, sometimes.. as a parent, or as a regular human being, there will be times when we have to sacrifice our comfortable present, in order to pursue a better future, for ourselves, or for our children..

If life is the distance between what we have right now and what we hope for in the future, then how is the best way to take the path towards the future?

How much do we have to sacrifice to make the journey meaningful for us, for our family?

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Chapters

January 15, 2012, my 6th wedding anniversary. I’ve been preparing two cups of coffee for the same man, for six years.

this wedding ring looks pretty similar to mine

I’ve been staying in different places for six years. From renting a room with shared bathrooms which I paid monthly, to a small house with two bedrooms which I paid every two years, and now to a house that me and my man shall own by ourselves, well, after we’re finished paying 15 years of mortgage, where I will be 47 years old, on the year 2012 + 15 = 2027 !!

I’ve left my parents’ house six years ago, I brought nothing but my old motorcycle, some clothes, and a 160cmx200cm spring bed which we received as a wedding gift from my father’s friend. I still sleep on the same bed until today, with my man and my son cuddling next to me.

I’ve been with the same man who was previously jobless, but then was able to collect enough money to pay hospital charges due to the birth of our son, bought a motorcycle, bought an old/used car (though we sold it later), stereo sets, a flat screen TV, household appliances, gadgets and smart phones, and eventually, paid the down payment for our first house.

I’ve fell into the deepest hole of credit card debts, been running from debt collectors ever since, and was forced to meet them again when I must pay all the debts I owed, due to mortgage applications.

I am now in the next chapter of life, with great anticipation I am entering the year of the dragon, where my son will be 3 years old next May. Perhaps I will send him to early education centers, perhaps I will move to another company and start a new career with better salary, who can offer me a car, give me better challenges. Or maybe I’ll be a part-time teacher somewhere. I have plans, I have hope, and I have my man next to me.

Too bad goats and dragons DON"T get along.. *sigh*

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Old Man Tale

Something weird happened to me yesterday. As I played Bruno Mars’ “Never Say You Can’t” song, my eyes were suddenly filled with tears. I still have my father, alive, and pretty healthy, thank God, while the song is about a father who told his son to, well, never say “You can’t” before he passed away.

It’s pretty hard to look for a proper video of the song on Youtube, I don’t know why.. But the lyric is available, and if you have a nice relationship with your father, who already passed away, prepare yourself to be drowned in tears.

My father and I, we have the same Chinese sign (the Goat), and shared the same Zodiac sign (Aquarius), perhaps that is also one of the many reasons why we don’t get along well with each other. Especially during my years of being a rebellious teen. We were too similar to each other, and we were both very stubborn, adventurous, and awkwardly creative. But like the song’s lyric, “I wouldn’t be where I am, if my father didn’t tell me to never say I can’t” there were moments that I feel very lucky to have him as my dad.

He was not the best father a person could’ve asked for, but he surely has given me a solid understanding of what adultery life is like. That it’s going to be tough, and even though I’m a woman it doesn’t mean that I must refuse to be as powerful as any men. He meant what he said, he bought me an electric guitar, complete with a personal amplifier, which I then sold a couple of years later due to, well, I don’t know why but I really really really regret doing it.

There are too many things I can say about my old man and not all of them are wonderful, but one of his most precious legacy is to never quit, never surrender, and never giving up, no matter how awful your life might be, no matter how deep you have been drowned in your own sh*thole, we can change the situation by working hard, believe in our capability, and use a little (or a lot of) creativity.

As a family, I have watched how my dad screw my life when he decided to quit his job, borrow money from the bank to start his own business, and fail. But I have also watched him struggled hard to get his family back to the position where all of us can enjoy our lives again.

This song is definitely for you, Dad.. And I don’t need to wait until you pass away to say how amazing you are, and that I’m very grateful to have you as my father.

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Daily Routine

I was pretty inspired by this article, and must admit I feel glad that there are many people who are “just as trapped” as myself, in their daily routine. But not all of them are complaining, some of them actually enjoy this repetitive pattern, because it makes life more controllable.

There are things in my own life that I kept doing over and over again, everyday, or at least from Monday to Friday. Woke up to my BlackBerry alarm at 6.30 AM, pressed “dismiss” and sleep again until 7, then went to the kitchen to boil water and make two cups of coffee. One for me, and one for hubby. Coffee done, I light a cigarette, and switched from coffee to cigarette, vice versa, while talking to hubby about anything I have in mind, or just scrolling down my Twitter timeline to see what others are saying this morning.

Take my bath on 7.30 and search for whatever outfit is suitable for work. With sufficient face powder and a touch of lipstick, I put on my jacket, took the motorcycle keys, and kiss my son goodbye. I pass the same road, the same traffic light, and park my motorcycle on the same parking location at office. Wait for the elevator to take me to 5th floor, check on my BlackBerry and pressed my thumb on the finger print machine.

Turn on my computer, clicked on my Mozilla Thunderbird to check e-mails, Firefox to open Echofon for Twitter, Google Reader, and Gmail. Pick up my stack of paperwork, check for anything important, and leave it. Read the same blogs, opened the same Twitter lists, and RT-ed or replied mentions. At 10 AM, the office-boy will ask me for lunch menu, at 12 AM we eat lunch together, and at 1 PM I returned to my desk. At 4.45 PM I turn everything off, and pressed my thumb again at the finger print attendance system.

Left the office, and go home through the same road, got caught in the traffic jam due to the same traffic light, and arrive at home to hug my son. Eat dinner, watch TV and play with my son, until he sleeps at around 10, and turn my BlackBerry off, wait for it to ring again at 6.30 AM the next day. After remembering all the things that I forgot to do that day, I forgot to send this particular sales document, I forgot to send my son’s pictures for the photo competition, I forgot to stopped by at my mother’s house, .. Despite all the things I forgot to do everyday, I usually fell asleep on the same time everyday..

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He Discovered Sex

I have a 13 year-old, male, nephew, who acts weird. Considering his age, chances are he recently had that “special dream” that determines his sexual-readiness. You know, the sign of adultery, and stuffs like that. He successfully forced his dad to bought him an “anti-spy” screen protector for his mobile phone, the type which nobody can try to sneak-a-peek on who he’s texting, or what website he’s browsing. He spent a lot of (his daddy’s) money to buy refill vouchers for his phone, and his dad were mad at him for this reason.

My guess is, he discovered, and were intrigued to, sex, and porn.

Sadly, his parents were the kind who felt uncomfortable talking about this issue, and decided to leave this matter to those who are responsible, such as school, religion lesson, and forgetting the danger of incorrect understanding (usually received through friends and porn videos). And me, I’m just an aunt, incapable of trespassing the limit between a father and his son.

But I am still grateful to encounter this problem pretty early because I also have a son, who will grow up and have questions about sex, in his mind, and it’s my duty to dig out those questions so that he can share it with me. It’s pretty ewwwwwy,  I know.. And I might not feel comfortable talking about this issue, but considering the risk my son will take if I choose to stay silent, I probably will begin by saying “You know, a sexual intercourse is a normal thing… BUT... like any other normal things, you must know when, and where to do it..”

I quote a funnier perspective about this issue from Psychology Today:

Just like kids need media literacy, kids need porn literacy. They need to understand that they’re watching actors playing roles, not documentaries. They need to understand that just as Glee and Harry Potter are edited, so are porn films. None of these media products is an accurate portrayal of real life.

Still thinking to let your child  have their own understanding about sex, porn, or masturbation just because you feel weird talking about it? I know some religion have helped parents and made it pretty clear that premarital sex is forbidden, but there are also other threats that must be communicated, such as the deathly diseases and unwanted teenage pregnancy. I think the key is to help our kids to have control over it, and not to force them to consider it isn’t there.

It’s like hunger, you’re starving and you need something to eat. But that doesn’t mean you can’t choose your food, right? You’re not going to eat something that will make you sick, you have the choice. And when making choices, it is better if we have all the correct information about all the possibilities that can happen if we choose to do something with negative consequences. There are protection, but I think it’s better for kids to understand that the best way is to avoid it. But if they can’t avoid it, they need to know about how to protect themselves.

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Autonomy

As I entered motherhood, I never realize that “envious, insecure, dictating mommies” are pretty damn annoying. They’re all over you and they give negative comments about your parenting style.

They have all these questions, such as.. Why are you still working? How can you trust your baby to a nanny? Why aren’t you breastfeeding? Why are you using formula brand A, instead of B, I heard that C is the best but it’s also the most expensive. Why are you giving your baby MMR vaccine, it can cause autism. Why aren’t you exercising to make your body return to its normal shape? Why didn’t you enroll your child to a baby class, it’s good for his socialization skills? Why isn’t your baby walking? Why isn’t your baby talking? Why is your baby always crying?

How can you let your child watch TV? Why aren’t you reading him books and buy him educational toys? Why do you take your baby to the mall, instead take him to the zoo, the parks!

I’m a mother to a 2,5 year-old toddler son who talks, sing, and dance together with her child everyday, in-front-of-the-TV. We read books together but only if my son wants to. We go to the mall, almost every weekend and we have visited the zoo perhaps once or twice. I’m a working mom, who left her son at home with our nanny, 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. But I don’t hate stay-at-home moms, nor praise them whatsoever, UNLESS they are insulting other moms who choose to work. My 2,5 year-old toddler son is not going (and never been enrolled) to any school and I still haven’t decide whether he’s going to join a preschool or take music and art courses instead, later, when he’s 3. Or 4, I have no idea, I will have to ask him first.

I don’t have a clear idea of what my parenting skill is, all I know is that everytime I come home at the afternoon, my son told my everything he did with our nanny that day, and he eagerly showed me the new things he had learn. Then we play, and play, and play, and talk, and sing, and sleep, together. He’s a happy child and it’s easier for me to teach him about new things, now that we can have a mom-and-son conversation regularly.

It is also the same case with people at the social network and technology scene. First, we have Friendster, then we move to Facebook, and then Twitter, and we create a Google+ account, and forgetting it, and returned to Twitter. Why is it that people who find themselves enjoying Twitter or G+ ended up insulting Facebook? And what the hell is up with people hating the BlackBerry? If you’re enjoying your iPhone or Android phones/gadgets, why can’t you just enjoy yourself and shut up? Why do you have to insult the innocent BlackBerry (and its users)? Do you think that it will make you look cool?

Talking about living in the land of hate. And they call themselves as the people who are supporting diversity. But at the same time they are giving examples to their children about how to hate other people who choose something else different.

There are things in life that we don’t like, but does it mean we have to insult other people’s choices? We are all the same, we’re all human beings trying to make our dreams come true. And we are reaching towards that dream according to what we think will be good for us, which is -obviously- isn’t always the same compared to others. That’s why we have what I called “autonomy.” The freedom to choose whatever works best for us.

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