Tag Archives: postaweek2011

He Discovered Sex

I have a 13 year-old, male, nephew, who acts weird. Considering his age, chances are he recently had that “special dream” that determines his sexual-readiness. You know, the sign of adultery, and stuffs like that. He successfully forced his dad to bought him an “anti-spy” screen protector for his mobile phone, the type which nobody can try to sneak-a-peek on who he’s texting, or what website he’s browsing. He spent a lot of (his daddy’s) money to buy refill vouchers for his phone, and his dad were mad at him for this reason.

My guess is, he discovered, and were intrigued to, sex, and porn.

Sadly, his parents were the kind who felt uncomfortable talking about this issue, and decided to leave this matter to those who are responsible, such as school, religion lesson, and forgetting the danger of incorrect understanding (usually received through friends and porn videos). And me, I’m just an aunt, incapable of trespassing the limit between a father and his son.

But I am still grateful to encounter this problem pretty early because I also have a son, who will grow up and have questions about sex, in his mind, and it’s my duty to dig out those questions so that he can share it with me. It’s pretty ewwwwwy,  I know.. And I might not feel comfortable talking about this issue, but considering the risk my son will take if I choose to stay silent, I probably will begin by saying “You know, a sexual intercourse is a normal thing… BUT... like any other normal things, you must know when, and where to do it..”

I quote a funnier perspective about this issue from Psychology Today:

Just like kids need media literacy, kids need porn literacy. They need to understand that they’re watching actors playing roles, not documentaries. They need to understand that just as Glee and Harry Potter are edited, so are porn films. None of these media products is an accurate portrayal of real life.

Still thinking to let your child  have their own understanding about sex, porn, or masturbation just because you feel weird talking about it? I know some religion have helped parents and made it pretty clear that premarital sex is forbidden, but there are also other threats that must be communicated, such as the deathly diseases and unwanted teenage pregnancy. I think the key is to help our kids to have control over it, and not to force them to consider it isn’t there.

It’s like hunger, you’re starving and you need something to eat. But that doesn’t mean you can’t choose your food, right? You’re not going to eat something that will make you sick, you have the choice. And when making choices, it is better if we have all the correct information about all the possibilities that can happen if we choose to do something with negative consequences. There are protection, but I think it’s better for kids to understand that the best way is to avoid it. But if they can’t avoid it, they need to know about how to protect themselves.

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Bomb The Music Industry!

One thing I regretfully admit, WHY DID IT TOOK ME TOO DAMN LONG TO DISCOVER THESE AWESOME DUDES!???

Listening to their Vacation (2011) album kinda reminds me of Weezer and Kemuri, with a touch of The Strokes (pardon me for not giving you links to those great bands, go search yourself will ya?). Yet the lyrics are all AMAZING, I repeat, A-MA-ZING !!! It’s funny but not stupid, and it didn’t sound they’re trying too hard, and successfully made me smile, felt connected and wanted more!

The 2011 Vacation album starts with the song “Campaign for A Better Weekend”  which tells us about a guy who decided to get out the house on his newly-fixed bicycle. But then turns out his decision was wrong. Because then he got hit by a car. In the end of the song, he said, “I can’t shrug off the awesome weather but I can surely dress my wounds. It felt just like a vacation but still we complained until we all felt jaded and started to hate it.” The next song is “Vocal Coach” which is about boredom (I guess). The vocal tunes in this song sounds awesome, cheerful, and flawless.

And there’s “Everybody That You Love” with its lyric “all the people I love the best, are starting to get frustrated with my being a mess..” which describes the message they’re trying to deliver. That they are funny guys, but are easily bored and there were times when they’re disappointing their friends and families. Well, aren’t we all?

Next song is “The Shit That You Hate.” A critic for anyone who complains too much about life. The message? Figure this out: “so hold onto your home  and onto your hope, sorrow don’t answer problems, nobody cares, we’re all in trouble, the shit that you hate don’t make you special..”

Then comes my favorite song in this album: “Hurricane Waves.” A story about PROCRASTINATING! Ha! Awesome, great job describing it, guys! “I can wait till tomorrow to pay my rent and start to grow up..”

There are still few more songs left but I have to go home now. All I can say is that this is one of the most valuable discovery of all time. No I didn’t exaggerate this! If you don’t believe me, try listening to their album and experience my admiration!

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Autonomy

As I entered motherhood, I never realize that “envious, insecure, dictating mommies” are pretty damn annoying. They’re all over you and they give negative comments about your parenting style.

They have all these questions, such as.. Why are you still working? How can you trust your baby to a nanny? Why aren’t you breastfeeding? Why are you using formula brand A, instead of B, I heard that C is the best but it’s also the most expensive. Why are you giving your baby MMR vaccine, it can cause autism. Why aren’t you exercising to make your body return to its normal shape? Why didn’t you enroll your child to a baby class, it’s good for his socialization skills? Why isn’t your baby walking? Why isn’t your baby talking? Why is your baby always crying?

How can you let your child watch TV? Why aren’t you reading him books and buy him educational toys? Why do you take your baby to the mall, instead take him to the zoo, the parks!

I’m a mother to a 2,5 year-old toddler son who talks, sing, and dance together with her child everyday, in-front-of-the-TV. We read books together but only if my son wants to. We go to the mall, almost every weekend and we have visited the zoo perhaps once or twice. I’m a working mom, who left her son at home with our nanny, 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. But I don’t hate stay-at-home moms, nor praise them whatsoever, UNLESS they are insulting other moms who choose to work. My 2,5 year-old toddler son is not going (and never been enrolled) to any school and I still haven’t decide whether he’s going to join a preschool or take music and art courses instead, later, when he’s 3. Or 4, I have no idea, I will have to ask him first.

I don’t have a clear idea of what my parenting skill is, all I know is that everytime I come home at the afternoon, my son told my everything he did with our nanny that day, and he eagerly showed me the new things he had learn. Then we play, and play, and play, and talk, and sing, and sleep, together. He’s a happy child and it’s easier for me to teach him about new things, now that we can have a mom-and-son conversation regularly.

It is also the same case with people at the social network and technology scene. First, we have Friendster, then we move to Facebook, and then Twitter, and we create a Google+ account, and forgetting it, and returned to Twitter. Why is it that people who find themselves enjoying Twitter or G+ ended up insulting Facebook? And what the hell is up with people hating the BlackBerry? If you’re enjoying your iPhone or Android phones/gadgets, why can’t you just enjoy yourself and shut up? Why do you have to insult the innocent BlackBerry (and its users)? Do you think that it will make you look cool?

Talking about living in the land of hate. And they call themselves as the people who are supporting diversity. But at the same time they are giving examples to their children about how to hate other people who choose something else different.

There are things in life that we don’t like, but does it mean we have to insult other people’s choices? We are all the same, we’re all human beings trying to make our dreams come true. And we are reaching towards that dream according to what we think will be good for us, which is -obviously- isn’t always the same compared to others. That’s why we have what I called “autonomy.” The freedom to choose whatever works best for us.

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Glee, Not Geek

When I first watched Glee, I fell in love instantly. It was so full of inspiration, funny, and fresh, especially after your TV has been hijacked by so many reality series, one after another. Also at first, I never have any particular hatred towards Kurt Hummel (the gay character, played brilliantly by actor Chris Colfer), until, there was Blaine. His gay partner. Then I began to have doubts on whether this series is suitable for teens. I’m not against gay or whatever, but I’m not crazy about it either. This is one problem that I left myself undecided on how to respond.

It’s even more terrifying than The Walking Dead, and even more depressing compared to Grey’s Anatomy. Since I myself had been the kind of person who grew up by being heavily influenced by television, I have this huge fear of Glee, for have spreading the wrong message to teenagers all around the world. In my narrow-minded opinion, of course.

I use to have goosebumps and couldn’t get enough of Glee’s videos such as Imagine, One, or Marry You. I thought of those episodes as highly inspiring. But it’s a sad, sad, thing they can’t keep it that way. This video below proved their identity loss.

It even gave me a different kind of goosebumps. I felt sick watching Blaine dancing. I didn’t see the nerdy, clumsy, Rachel, anymore, since Glee has made her a very popular girl on the red carpet. I just feel that she’s too pretty to be Rachel now. In fact, no one in Glee is a geek anymore!!

It’s no longer a TV series that I’m going to wait anxiously for, and I feel sad for teenagers today for not having a great idol that they can look up to. Back in the 90s when I was growing up, we use to have so many great music and it was very diverse, from Mc Hammer to Metallica, from Whitney Houston to Nirvana. But today, there are only a few with solid characters and identity.

So instead of watching Glee, and learned nothing about life, we might as well simplify our lives and enjoy music like we used to, by jumping around the house and banged our heads. With these 8 crazy people that just celebrated their 10th anniversary. They’re adorable aren’t they? It’s hard not to fall in love with them.

I know I did.

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Hands Down

When you write a song from the heart, you will touch many hearts. So is Dashboard Confessional’s “Hands Down” written by the band’s lead vocalist Chris Carrabba, which was more a memoir of one of his best date during his early 20s. Even Wikipedia has a page about the song. The lyric is lovely, honest and I must say one of the most romantic song ever.

One of the best part of the song which always makes me smile:

The words are hushed lets not get busted, just lay entwined here, undiscovered..
Safe in here from all the stupid questions, “hey did you get some?”
Man, that is so dumb..
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close, so they can’t hear.
so we can get some..

Go see the lyric yourself.

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A Bigger Heart

Critics.

Successfully made your heart shrinks, right?

Not an expert in psychology, but I’m pretty sure that the first normal reaction for most people when they received critics, are, denial.

Me, too.

At the beginning of the last month of the year 2011, where everyone starts counting down to 2012, and plan their new-year resolution (or reviewing the one they made last year), I was forced to accept the bitter fact to put “Be punctual!!” in my next year’s resolution. Why? Well, I just received an e-mail from my boss asking me about my horrible punctuality status.

Like anyone else, my first reaction was, “O, shit.. It matters now..?!” which was followed by a quest for several excuses (with no result), moved to plan-B: beg for forgiveness, and plan-C: deal with it.

Surrendered to the reality that it was myself who caused this mess, I refuse to call it a bad luck. A bad luck is something unpredictable, mostly happened even when you already tried to avoid it. But this disobedience issue between me and “arriving on time to work” is not unpredictable. It’s me, and my awful habit, period. It’s something I need to accept as a warning, and the only solution is to admit my mistakes.

So I replied my nice boss, saying “Thank you for your forewarning, I have no reason whatsoever for my lateness. I do live 18 KM from office, and got caught in traffic often, but it is not an excuse for me being late. I admit that I have not paid attention to punctuality issues, and I will bear the consequences for being disobedient.”

Sent, and .. pheeeewwww….. that was relieving.. sort of.

Then, he replied, “Febri, thank you for your attention and explanation. We look forward to your improvement on this matter. Thanks for your understanding.”

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Critics made your heart shrinks, but accepting them and realizing your mistakes in order to change into a better person proved that you have a big heart. Bigger and stronger than before.

And for that, I certainly will put “waking up earlier in order to arrive on time at work” as one of my goal next year. It’s no longer something that I kept saying, planned to do, but never actually committed to.

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Sweets and Sucks

Interactions, over expectations. When bad things happen to us, often we wish for them to vanish. We forgot to let them happen and just ‘deal with it.’ Dealing with it means we are building an interaction with our problems, get to know them better so that we can avoid meeting them again in the future. While expecting them to just ‘go away’ is what we most often, programmed, to do, it actually does not do any good.

All of our lives, people had been telling us that “There is sunshine beyond the rain, and there will be good times beyond the pain..” (yes, it’s Pray, by Justin Bieber.. with a few modifications) which, in-my-pessimistic-opinion, can be misleading. Even worse, delusional!

You wanna know why?

Here’s a few example.

Today is Friday. For us who doesn’t have to work on Saturday, we can finally indulge ourselves in an uninterrupted sleep. But hey, it only lasts for 2 days. We still have to get up early on Monday, right? And work our asses off for 5 days, until we finally meet Friday again.

The Sun. No matter how bright it shines in the morning, and during the daytime, it will sunk to the bottom of the horizon not later than 6 PM, daily. But we will see it again in a couple of hours.

Okay, so what does the above example got to do with the line I took from Bieber’s song “Pray” ?

I’m just saying.. Both good things and bad things have the same probability to happen. When bad things happened, don’t be too dramatic. There will be a way out even though most of the time “patience” is all you got. And when good things happened, just be grateful. Don’t over-analyze it by saying it happened because you were part of charities, or because you saved a puppy from the street. You deserve it, why don’t you just enjoy it?

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