Tag Archives: life

Moving Mountains

As I wrote earlier today, right now I am in the middle of a life-changing moment, on whether or not I got accepted in this new company..

I have been staring at my phone for more than 10 times, and while I’m waiting for that telephone (which might not be ringing at all, or in other word.. “they find someone else..”), whatever it is, I’m trying to calm myself down, do my best to keep my head up, and believe that,

no matter what happen, I will still be able to move mountains.

So I scrolled through my music folder and these are the songs to help me get through this ‘awfully-terribly-extremely-horribly LOOOOOOONG day’ without losing faith to myself.

My first intention was to get motivated, but at some songs I begin to shed some tears (notice the emoticon?). There’s too many emotions involved.

(In no particular order, these songs saved me before, and it will save me always)

  1. Daniel Powter – Lose To Win
  2. Des’ree – You Gotta Be
  3. Kid Rock – Only God Knows Why
  4. Matchbox 20 – These Hard Times
  5. Green Day – 21 Guns
  6. Martina McBride – Do It Anyway 😦
  7. Decemberadio – Find You Waiting  😦
  8. The Beatles – Let it Be
  9. Linkin Park – Iridescent
  10. Bon Jovi – Living on A Prayer
  11. REM – Everybody Hurts
  12. Simple Plan – Anywhere Else But Here
  13. Sublime – What I Got
  14. The Glee Version of Charlie Chaplin’s Smile 😦
  15. Ingrid Michaelson – Keep Breathing
  16. Alanis Morissette – Hand In My Pocket
  17. Alanis Morissette – That I Would Be Good 😦
  18. 3 Doors Down – Away From The Sun 😦
  19. Oasis – The Masterplan / Sunday Morning Call 😦
  20. Linkin Park – Shadow Of The Day 😦
  21. Rivers Cuomo – Longtime Sunshine
  22. Smash Mouth – Hang On
  23. The Used – Yesterday’s Feeling
  24. Avril Lavigne – Tomorrow
  25. The Beatles cover by Syesha Mercado – Yesterday
  26. Natasha Bedingfield – (No More) What If(s)
  27. Foo Fighters – Ain’t It The Life 😦
  28. Miley Cyrus – The Climb
  29. No Doubt – Running
  30. Radiohead – No Surprises
  31. Bruno Mars – Never Say You Can’t 😦 😦 😦
  32. Fort Minor – Remember The Name
  33. Shooter – Life’s A Bitch
  34. The Queers – I Wanna Be Happy
  35. Five For Fighting – Superman
  36. Faith No More’s version of “I Started a Joke”
  37. Dream Theater – The Spirit Carries On
  38. Bowling For Soup – When We Die
  39. 311 – All Mixed Up
  40. Green Day – Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) 😦
  41. The Fray – All At Once
  42. Chumbawamba – Tubthumping
  43. Relient K – Forget and Not Slow Down
  44. Carrie Underwood – Lesson Learned 😦
  45. Dido – Look No Further
  46. Sum 41 – Pull The Curtain
  47. Natasha Bedingfield – Unwritten
  48. Alicia Keys – Superwoman
  49. Lighthouse Family – Postcard From Heaven 😦
  50. Pink – Crystal Ball 😦

Enjoy and hope it helps to relieve any doubts, pain, regrets, anything..



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Filed under ALL POSTS, MUSIC

The Waiting Game

On October 2011, I was in the middle of a big decision. Perhaps one of the biggest decision I ever made in my entire life, and it involved a great deal of waiting.

I’ve made other big decisions before,

Graduated from college and got my first job on August 2005, got married on January 2007, got accepted and joined another company on August 2007, received positive pregnancy on August 2008, and decide to deliver Bintang by C-Section.. and the latest, received my home-loan/mortgage approval on November 2011, and officially moved to our (so-called) OWN home.. on January 2012.

November 2011, prior to receiving my mortgage approval, my life was like hell. I couldn’t enjoy eating, sleeping, and all I can think about was “that” house and how much I want to stay there IMMEDIATELY.

I got excited to almost every telephone call, and got mad when it came from someone else and not the bank PIC, I got up earlier in the morning, and was anxious the whole entire day, …

and now I am in that same situation, all over again.

Two weeks ago, I got called for a job interview. I love the job description, and the challenges that I shall face, the amount of new learning experiences and opportunities that I will get.

Everything went smoothly, and last week, I received their offer by telephone with a salary which was a little bit lower than what I expected. My immediate reply was to ask for increase and a moment to think about their offer.

Several days later, I called them and requested to check their employment contract. I’ve seen it, felt OK with it, I even agreed to the salary they offered, but then the Branch Manager replied,

“Actually, our country manager is still very busy and I haven’t been able to reach him by phone and e-mail. He’s the one who is in charge to prepare your contract, and we both have to wait for his decision. I will deal with this matter next week, and give you a call once it’s all clear.

I felt like jumping into a very deep well, and said to myself “there’s still a possibility that I fail this, this is very hard to handle.”

And today is Monday, the beginning of a new week.

I can only pray that the country manager have decided to pick me, prepare my contract, and invite me to come and sign the contract. My prayer is so focused, and this has filled my head so much, since Friday.

Help me God.. To accept whatever it is You have planned for me!

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God Help Teh Ninih!

I know everybody is talking about this hot gossip, so making a blog about the Preacher of A Million People will not be special, but I can’t help wondering what the hell happened on Teh Ninih’s mind!???

Here’s what happened.

1987: Aa’ Gym marries Teh Ninih. They have 7 children, and slowly but sure, Aa’ Gym’s career skyrocketed with enormous job offers from all over Indonesia. He is also known as the owner of Islamic School of Daarut Tauhid in West Java, and became extremely famous as The Preacher of A Million People (dai sejuta umat).

November 2006: After almost 20 years of marriage and 7 kids, Aa’ Gym marries second wife Alfarini (Teh Rini). Being a polygamist, his career began to fell down but it doesn’t stop the couple from continue creating a happy family, and gave birth to a baby on November 2008.

June 2011: Aa’ Gym divorced Teh Ninih, due to different preaching style. Rumors said it was also heavily influenced by Aa’s decision to marry second wife Teh Rini.

March 2012: Aa’ Gym (re)marries Teh Ninih, and said that everything has been arranged by God. That it was all a matter of destiny, and it should be good for religion and for all mankind.

According to Teh Rini, she will not stay together with Teh Ninih because they never stay together anyway. Teh Rini stays in Jakarta, while Teh Ninih stays in Bandung. She said “Everything shall return to previous arrangements. Aa’ will stay in Jakarta with me, from Monday to Wednesday, and then goes to Bandung to be with Teh Ninih until the next Monday morning. Let’s pray that this will be good for everyone.”

Here’s what I think..

Aa’ Gym might have said a lot of wisdom to all his followers during his lectures. But a man’s character is based on his actions, not just words. Especially when his words are contrary to the fact that he treats his wife like sh*t. First, you told her you want to marry another woman. Even when she gave you her approval, you still filed for divorce and leave her with your 7 (seven, yes he have seven for God sake!!!) children alone.

Now you finally see that she’s the best thing that ever happened to you and you simply go to her house, asked her to marry you again, and then went to the KUA and mention your ijab kabul.

Not only you’re being a complete hypocrite, you hide yourself behind your religious covers, saying that God is the One who arranged this, and that everything is simply a matter of destiny.

It’s not destiny, you idiot hypocrite! It’s the wisdom of a woman name Teh Ninih who have a very big heart and endless patience to deal with man like you!

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The Old Times

Time, have surely change. If 20 years ago, when I was 13 years old, my parents got mad at me, it was because I didn’t come home straight after school, but went to my friend’s house instead, to hangout and play basketball until 6 or 7 PM. But yesterday, my nephew got into a terrible fight with his dad, because he came home at 9 PM, and admitted he had been at his friend’s house after school, browsing and playing games, on the internet.

Twenty years ago, instead of spending hours and hours staring at a computer screen pretend to carry a gun and shooting terrorists through an internet-connected games, I spent hours playing basketball under the hot sunshine, and fell down, hurt my legs under the rain. From hanging around in my friends’ house, I’ve made more new friends whom I know face to face and introduced myself through a handshake instead of sending a “buzz” or a “ping” in the messenger applications.

Apparently, for some people, “change” can not be embraced in a positive way, including my 22 year old nephew “Nina” who recently got her diploma degree in midwifery. Her mother, a principal for a public-elementary school in the village of Condong, Probolinggo, East Java, who is also a PNS (civil employee) insisted that Nina should become a PNS and start working as a midwife in the nearest village. Nina’s mother have already prepared IDR 125,000,000 to pay the local government officials to “secure” her daughter’s position in the PNS “industry.”

She was pretty angry when Nina refused this plan and wanted to continue  studying in Surabaya, to get a Bachelor Degree and joins a program to become a lecturer. Nina’s mother told me, “I don’t understand Nina, she has this dream to educate other people because Indonesia is very poor when it comes to education. While for me, her dream is useless because she lives in Indonesia!”

This particular clash between a mother and her daughter is very rare, especially in villages of East Java. Everyone “adores” PNS and will do everything they can to be one. They invested their money in cows, gold jewelries, rice fields, and plantation, just to sell them all one day in order to pay government officials and seal-the-deal for a PNS status. Nina’s parents have already done this 2 years ago, when Nina’s older sister graduated from college and became a midwife (with a PNS status) at a nearby Puskesmas (village hospital).

Some things from the old times were much better than today, but the great PNS status is definitely not one of them. As for Nina, she will have to keep fighting her own mother, and repeatedly saying, “I don’t care about the PNS status. I can find my own money which I earn with dignity” which should make a mother proud, although in her case it was completely the opposite.

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Present Comfort, and Sacrifice

I’m an easily-bored kind of person who always seeks for new opportunities in almost anything, and right now I am thinking to get a new job. I’ve been surfing through the internet to check out some new job offers and have submitted my applications as well.

So far, I have caught the eyes of 2 (two) big companies, which I already had an interview with but still haven’t been called for further tests or more discussions. One is a second biggest tobacco company in Indonesia, and the other one is a Switzerland-based power generation company.

I should be grateful ? (Google Images)

Like any other jobs, all of them have positive as well as negative sides. Compared to the condition in my current company, I surely will be more busy, will have to wake up earlier in the morning, and possibly arrive more late in the evening. In short, I probably gonna spend LESS time with my son..


But on the other hand, I will have a better salary to pay everything in my monthly expenses, including his school fees and hence (in the long run), provide a better future with better opportunities for him.


So in the end, sometimes.. as a parent, or as a regular human being, there will be times when we have to sacrifice our comfortable present, in order to pursue a better future, for ourselves, or for our children..

If life is the distance between what we have right now and what we hope for in the future, then how is the best way to take the path towards the future?

How much do we have to sacrifice to make the journey meaningful for us, for our family?

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Angelina Sondakh, and A Bunch of Golf Balls

Sometimes we all feel that 24 hours a day is just not enough. Sometimes we feel the urge to solve each and every problem we have in life. I’ve been feeling this lately and seems like I can’t do much about it, except to wait, surrender, to accept the fact that..

you’re just like any other human being with limited capabilities, and sometimes there are things that you can’t solve, no matter how hard you try..

Could this be how Angelina Sondakh feels right now?

My father is dead, and now my mom is going to jail.. (Tempointeraktif.com)

All of this reminds me to a story of a college professor, a big jar or mayonnaise, a bunch of golf balls, some marbles, a box of sand and a bottle of wine. I found this lovely and inspiring story again yesterday, after browsing through my old bookmarks.

Once upon a time, a college professor brought a big (but empty) mayonnaise jar, and he throw golf balls into it until the jar is full. “Is it full now? ” he asked to his students. “Yes, it is” they replied. Then, he poured the jar with marbles, shook it a little bit and they filled the empty holes between the golf balls. “Is it full now?” he asked his students again. “Yes, it is” they replied.

beautiful marbles.. (google images)

Next, the professor took a box of sand and slowly poured it to the jar, leaving it with no room for anything else. He then poured a couple glass of wine, and began to explain what the experiment is all about.

This jar, is your life. The golf balls, are the things in your life that matters the most. Your family, friends, your passion and your health.

If everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The marbles are essential for your life, like your job, your car, your house. The sands are everything else, small stuffs.

If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for your life: If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Got the point?

Let me make it more simple. It’s okay if you’re jobless, as long as you’re healthy, surrounded by family and friends who love you, and you can still follow your passion to write blogs. You got your golf balls. But if you’re a rich person without anyone who love you, then there’s obviously something wrong with your life. Go fix it.

Now back to Angelina Sondakh. If only she was using the above guidance to determine what’s really important in her own life, perhaps she can avoid all the trouble she must face today. As a woman, as a person, she had the golf balls (her family, friends, her “Puteri Indonesia” title) and the marbles (her political career, her luxurious house, some cars), all of them are more than enough to give her a full, complete, life.

But then, she threw the golf balls and the marbles out of the jar, and make room for a 1,5 billion Rupiahs worth of sand.

Wrong choice, Angie.. (www.bacadulu.com)

And now she must deal with the consequences.

When something bad happened to our marbles, like when we lost our job, somebody stole our car, or when our house is on fire, we can still be grateful because we still have our golf balls. But sometimes things can go wrong with your golf balls. You can be sick, you can lost people you love, etc. At these times, I don’t believe gratitude can make anyone happy.

But in the case of Angelina Sondakh, seems like she had forgotten which are her golf balls, which are her marbles, which are her sand. Which things really matter and are sufficient to make her grateful, and which are the small stuff that she’s not supposed to be thinking (or make as priority).

I’m going to keep in mind now, that I, too, have my golf balls. My parents, sisters, husband, son, friends, my health, my blog as my passion, and even my in-laws. I got my marbles: my job, my motorbike, my house (though I have to pay the mortgage), and all of these things are supposed to be enough to make me grateful and enjoy my life.

These are the things that matters the most.

Have you got yours? (Google Images)

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Thank You, Hope.

Okay, perhaps I’ve written about this too many times, but since I keep forgetting it, especially when I face difficult times, I’m going to write about it again.

You know those days when you’re expecting for a miracle but end-up crying for a tragedy instead? I just had it for the past few weeks. I still have it, actually, because nothing have changed since it happened, and it can probably get worse.

I was waiting for a great amount of money to decrease my mortgage installment, but then my father (who broke his leg 8 months ago) needed another surgery to fix his leg, which is, well, needs to be repositioned, realigned.

Anyway.. there I was, feeling confused.. Got no money, and yet have to pay for so many things! My mortgage, my dad’s upcoming surgery..

I still got no money, and my dad’s leg still need to be fix soon..

But yesterday, I collected all of my courage to bravely asked a friend at the human resource section, on the possibilities of me, leaving my current job. And he said, there’s no problem, as long as I gave a one month notice before starting in a new place.

Suddenly, I see a glimpse of light that I do have a hope, to change the situation. I can always look for another company who (hopefully will pay me better), give me new experiences and new working environment.

And so I updated my new resume, sent it to few companies who advertised vacant positions, and felt a burst of new energy started to fill my days. I am alive again, thanks to hope.

Hope for a better future, in achievable ways. It brightens my day, and I was so happy today that I decided to upload my own version of Adele’s “One and Only” to SoundCloud.

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