Tag Archives: waiting

The Waiting Game

On October 2011, I was in the middle of a big decision. Perhaps one of the biggest decision I ever made in my entire life, and it involved a great deal of waiting.

I’ve made other big decisions before,

Graduated from college and got my first job on August 2005, got married on January 2007, got accepted and joined another company on August 2007, received positive pregnancy on August 2008, and decide to deliver Bintang by C-Section.. and the latest, received my home-loan/mortgage approval on November 2011, and officially moved to our (so-called) OWN home.. on January 2012.

November 2011, prior to receiving my mortgage approval, my life was like hell. I couldn’t enjoy eating, sleeping, and all I can think about was “that” house and how much I want to stay there IMMEDIATELY.

I got excited to almost every telephone call, and got mad when it came from someone else and not the bank PIC, I got up earlier in the morning, and was anxious the whole entire day, …

and now I am in that same situation, all over again.

Two weeks ago, I got called for a job interview. I love the job description, and the challenges that I shall face, the amount of new learning experiences and opportunities that I will get.

Everything went smoothly, and last week, I received their offer by telephone with a salary which was a little bit lower than what I expected. My immediate reply was to ask for increase and a moment to think about their offer.

Several days later, I called them and requested to check their employment contract. I’ve seen it, felt OK with it, I even agreed to the salary they offered, but then the Branch Manager replied,

“Actually, our country manager is still very busy and I haven’t been able to reach him by phone and e-mail. He’s the one who is in charge to prepare your contract, and we both have to wait for his decision. I will deal with this matter next week, and give you a call once it’s all clear.

I felt like jumping into a very deep well, and said to myself “there’s still a possibility that I fail this, this is very hard to handle.”

And today is Monday, the beginning of a new week.

I can only pray that the country manager have decided to pick me, prepare my contract, and invite me to come and sign the contract. My prayer is so focused, and this has filled my head so much, since Friday.

Help me God.. To accept whatever it is You have planned for me!

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Moving On After Failure

I can’t remember when was the last time my life moved calmly without any rush. When everything was just rolling, and I enjoyed it without having to wait for anything. For all I can remember, I was always waiting for something. A call for job interviews, followed by tests, another interviews, another tests, salary raise, yearly bonus scheme, announcement of some contests that I took part in, and of course, for the last year, I have waited to finally move to a new house.

Getting the house itself was full of waiting. First, I need to check the house, make appointments with the owner. And I have to wait for the seller to finally agree with the price I want. This is just the beginning of a more complicated and exhausting process. Right now I am in the middle of a process of KPR (house-loan credit application), which turns out to be emotionally-draining. I am not just getting tired and bored of waiting, but I also became anxious about whether my application will be approved or rejected.

This creates fear.

I have devastating images of failure inside my head where everything that I’ve dreamed of will be fallen to pieces. That my small family will have to rent again for the next years and lose the down payment money which we already paid to the seller. I got terrible stomach ache, diarrhea, I couldn’t sleep, and I became highly sensitive and angry towards simple problems.

I’m stressed out. I don’t know what to think, I can’t stand to wait for the bank result and it feels like my brain is already hanging upside down. I got a headache.

But all this pain and struggle against something that can’t be changed is not going to provide any solution. I need to accept the fact that for now there’s nothing I can do but wait. And pray that the outcome is not going to make me homeless. This is the time where, again, I have to wait and let go of whatever possible result to come my way.

You can’t eliminate the fear of failure. But you must not let it stop you from taking chances, from trying to change your life, and from forcing you to step on the right direction. If you want a light to shine on your dark road, you must step out and seek the light. It will not be easy, but if you stay on where you sit right now, it will not come to you.

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