Everyone used to knew me as careless. I was never the one to hold any responsibilities because I tend to do things my own way. I didn’t have any plan for my life, just rolled with whatever was in front of me, joined a band, leave another, postponed my college and thesis for years, and before I realize it, I was already 25 years old.
It was my boyfriend who reminded me to start being responsible with life. It took me a couple of months to drag myself to college, complete my thesis, and eventually after eight miserable years of “not knowing the end of my college life,” I graduated and received my diploma degree.
It felt good, for once in my life I felt pretty satisfied with myself.
Life seems to be kind to me afterwards. I then managed to get a job, got married, have a child, and were more responsible than I was before. I guess it was true what they said, that sometimes responsibilities can’t be forced upon someone, unless they are facing a life-threatening situation.
Although in my case, it wasn’t life threatening but more “relationship-threatening” because my boyfriend (now hubby) was ready to took our relationship to a new level, but was rejected by my father due to the fact that I haven’t finished college.
Anyway, I was talking about more responsibilities that came to me after that graduation day.
When you accept a job offer, you are responsible for the tasks and must follow your company procedures. When you got married, you are responsible to take care of your husband, and maintain a good communication to one another. When you brought a little child to this world, you have parenting responsibilities that involves almost every detail aspects of life: your financial stability, and of course, mental insanity.
And right now. I am facing a new responsibility as me and my hubby have agreed to apply for a house loan. To be honest, the whole process of finding the right house, negotiating for the best price, applying to banks, and waiting for the result, really felt exhausting. It makes me anxious, even worse compared to the anxiety I felt prior to getting married or delivering a child. Because this is something that gave me a HUGE responsibility for 15 years!
The thought of me and my hubby, having to be employed for 15 years, in order to be able to pay our monthly mortgage, makes my brain explodes. It gives me cold feet, and though I still haven’t figured out what the result of this loan is, I know that my mind is preparing itself for a new, bigger, tougher responsibility. I do know that I have my husband to go through this journey together, but I still feel dizzy nonetheless.
But nothing happens without a reason. One thing I learn, being an adult is not about carrying the number “3” in front of your age. It’s about having the courage (and the conscience) to make life moving forward. Anyone can jump into adultery (have a job, got married, have kids) anytime, but not everyone is ready to take the burden. I can only hope that I’m among those who are patience, prepared, and can still enjoy life, whatever obstacles I may have to deal with in the future.
Wish me luck?
* * *