I can’t remember when was the last time my life moved calmly without any rush. When everything was just rolling, and I enjoyed it without having to wait for anything. For all I can remember, I was always waiting for something. A call for job interviews, followed by tests, another interviews, another tests, salary raise, yearly bonus scheme, announcement of some contests that I took part in, and of course, for the last year, I have waited to finally move to a new house.
Getting the house itself was full of waiting. First, I need to check the house, make appointments with the owner. And I have to wait for the seller to finally agree with the price I want. This is just the beginning of a more complicated and exhausting process. Right now I am in the middle of a process of KPR (house-loan credit application), which turns out to be emotionally-draining. I am not just getting tired and bored of waiting, but I also became anxious about whether my application will be approved or rejected.
This creates fear.
I have devastating images of failure inside my head where everything that I’ve dreamed of will be fallen to pieces. That my small family will have to rent again for the next years and lose the down payment money which we already paid to the seller. I got terrible stomach ache, diarrhea, I couldn’t sleep, and I became highly sensitive and angry towards simple problems.
I’m stressed out. I don’t know what to think, I can’t stand to wait for the bank result and it feels like my brain is already hanging upside down. I got a headache.
But all this pain and struggle against something that can’t be changed is not going to provide any solution. I need to accept the fact that for now there’s nothing I can do but wait. And pray that the outcome is not going to make me homeless. This is the time where, again, I have to wait and let go of whatever possible result to come my way.
You can’t eliminate the fear of failure. But you must not let it stop you from taking chances, from trying to change your life, and from forcing you to step on the right direction. If you want a light to shine on your dark road, you must step out and seek the light. It will not be easy, but if you stay on where you sit right now, it will not come to you.
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